3.21.2012

How To Tell Your Mother You Don't Believe in God



Clean the house. 
Make sure to hide all the shoes, or anything she can throw at you. Invite uncle John, your mom’s younger brother over for lunch because he doesn’t go to church either. 
It’s 2 o’clock. Service is over and you know how much your mom likes to talk to the pastor. At 3 o’clock, your mom walks through the door. Greet her warmly and prostrate; your forehead touching the ground. She will look at you oddly then enter her room to change.
Have the table set for lunch before she comes out to do it herself.
 Again, she will look at you oddly and say o kare o.  
Just smile and say ese ma or thank you.
Wait for her to sit in her favorite dining chair. Sit far enough from her so that she cannot reach you, but close enough not to set off her RADAR; maybe sit beside uncle John. Throughout the meal talk about how well you are doing in school and your excitement for college. Your mother will agree and bring up your admission into the Christian Academy. Stop eating, push your plate away and stare sullenly out the window. 
Uncle John will crack a joke about the Christian Mascot.  Your mom will immediately shut him down. Wait for her to notice you.  
When she does, she will say Omo mi ki lo de or My child, what is it? You will look sternly at her and say Mom I must confess; I never wanted to attend the Christian school. 
Before she asks, why you will say I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD. You will continue to tell her about your admission to the school of scientology. 
Your mother will choke on her rice and you will have to perform the Heimlich maneuver. 
Once she has recovered she will not argue. She will only say Oluwa ma gba e
Be respectful. 
Leave the room. 
She will come around one day...






I know many of you freaked out when you read the title but let me reassure you, my readers, and any family members that are visiting this post (Hi Mom!!!) That I am a Christian, I do believe in God and that Jesus Died for my sins..so do not..I repeat..DO NOT.. phone daddy, uncle or aunty for a "TALK WITH TO me... lol
This served as a writing assignment to get us thinking out of the box

 
This piece was a collaborative effort with my friend and classmate Claude M.
Claude is also an amazing DJ who makes up 1/4 of TAG SOUNDZ visit the TAGNation site HERE

6 comments:

  1. busola odebode3/22/2012 6:52 AM

    Lmaooo....very luffly piece, I enjoyed reading every bit :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. nice piece! you got me with the title.

    following you now. www.apysworld.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Priscy how are you? Happy sunday!

      Delete
  3. Okay I wasn't sure where you were going with the title initially. Nice post. I can imagine how your mom would have reacted if you have really confessed to her. The look on her face would be priceless!

    Happy sunday!

    ReplyDelete

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